"I Love the Now"

Every time I hear Jimmy Buffett sing "I Love the Now" I remember that I always live in choice.  I, like everyone else, have the perpetual opportunity to live in this present moment, this right now, or to live in the past and operate as though the experience I am in the middle of right this minute is exactly the same as something that happened before.  Its easy to relive a memory and say "this is the same as that" because our minds like to pigeonhole events, circumstances and occurrences.  It's easy to do that.  Some would say it is even natural and appropriate.  If you are trying to avoid getting eaten by a saber-toothed tiger, or stomped by a Brontosaurus, it makes some sense to remember how one set of circumstances seems very similar to a previous set of circumstances.  In fact, even subconsciously translating or projecting from someone else's story might save your life if you are operating in survival mode. 

Our bodies react to our memories exactly as though they are actual real-in-the-moment events.  In a recent Spiritual Thought from our Sunday Celebration Services, Ernest Holmes (from A New Design for Living, p. 130) says "In whatever aspect of living we desire a betterment - be it in respect to health, abundance, or happiness - we have to know that it is ours now.  We establish the pattern now, we accept what it is now, we know that it is our experience now.  There is no difference between thought and thing.  There is no time element in Mind, nor need there be in out mind.  Whatever good we desire must be accepted as the present reality of our experience.  Only now can it exist."

If I create a fear situation in my mind, my body acts fearful, releasing adrenaline and cortisol, and my body gets ready to fight, flee or freeze.  Basic physiology again.  The bad news, according to the physicians and psychologists who study such things is that this internalized fear state, which may have been created by something completely imaginary, causes an internal physical-chemical stress on the body, and has a long lag time before the body can even begin to come back to its own balance, equilibrium and well being. 

What if "this is not that"?  What if this apparently threatening situation isn't really inherently threatening?  What if the Universe is predominantly a safe place and that all the events in my present experience can be viewed from a positive and supportive perspective?  This doesn't mean I'm going to be stupid and step out in front of a bus to see what happens, but it can mean that I don't automatically interpret a conversation, and impression, or a look as antagonistic from the start. 

Feels like a happier way to live to me.  

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Think I Can...

We each remember the story of The Little Engine That Could, that we first read as children and then some of us read it to our children  (and some even grandchildren) with the not-so-very hidden message that no matter what the obstacle, if I think I can overcome it then I will put my muscle and mind into it and I will succeed.  We tell ourselves and our children this story, and it is a true story.

Holmes tells us this again and again.  It is one of the main operating principles in the Science of Mind.  "Law of Life is a law of thought -- an activity of consciousness -- the Power flows through us.  The Spirit can do for us only what it can do through us.  Unless we are able to provide the consciousness, It cannot make the gift.  The Power behind all things is without limit, but in working for us it must work through us."  (SOM 141.2)

The way I read these words, and ponder that dear old childhood story is that I recognize that I choose what and how I wish to experience my life.  We all do, whether we know it or not. 

Patanjali said, “When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”

I'm going for an ever yet greater, more expanding, joy-filled life ... and I 'think' I can.  How about you?

Where I Look From Determines What I See

Say what? 

When riding to a work site with a colleague, he was bemoaning how nothing was working the way he wanted it to and how unfair life was.  It was his favorite litany, his well-worn groove, describing how he experienced his life.  The next thing I knew, a sparrow fatally dive-bombed itself into the windshield of our rental car.  Startling to say the least, it reinforced my colleague's perception about everything wrong in his life.

While stopped at a red light today, I saw a single dandelion growing in a sidewalk crack.  It was perfectly formed, tall and proud.  Glorious.  It brought to mind an incident with the homeowners association (HOA) where I used to live.  Texas was having a drought then too; we were on water restrictions.

One November day, I got a nasty-gram from the HOA about the weeds in my front flowerbed.  I looked.  It did need weeding, so I did.  In December I got another nastier nasty-gram on the same topic.  That letter I ignored, because I had weeded and thought it looked pretty good for a flowerbed in winter.  In January, I got a very irate nasty-gram which said that they were going to send someone out to weed my flowerbeds, and send me the bill, because obviously I was ignoring them.

So I went outside and looked again, determined to see what they saw.  Eventually it hit me.  They weren't recognizing my flowers as flowers because they were different than everyone else's flowers.  What I was recognizing as native plants, they saw only as nasty weeds.  I went inside crafted a letter, letting them know I wasn't ignoring them, I had in fact weeded in November upon receipt of their first letter.  I also explained that I had worked with a horticulturist who specialized in native plants that could prosper in the absence of supplemental irrigation, since we had been limited in our water usage for a while.  I offered to have this horticulturist speak with them about plantings that would be better for the environment, if they were interested.  The silence deafened.

I also recognize the truth of this viewpoint when it comes to interpersonal situations.  If I believe someone is basically on my side, then I am more likely to take any apparently challenging comments as useful and if I believe someone does not have my best interest at heart, I am much more likely to take it badly.  Its just human nature, and at the same time, its a decision over which I have huge choice about.

As Master Teacher Jesus said, and Holmes so often quoted, "it is done unto you as you believe".  It is this perspective that I strive to look from and my belief about the world and how it works that determines what I see in my world. 

Is this true for you, too?

If the Phone Doesn't Ring, Its Me, 11Jan12

There's a line out of this old Jimmy Buffett song that I finally understood last night, "If it takes all the future, we'll live through the past.  If the phone doesn't ring, it's me."  That lyric has always puzzled me.  I wondered if it wasn't some kind of curious time-space continuum problem.  Last night, I glimpsed what the Caribbean songmeister was singing about.  We are each and all always reliving our past, and thinking that the present experience is the same as what we have previously experienced.  This is the same as that, right?  If our remembrance of the previous experience was a positive and supportive one, then our interpretation of the present day experience (which in itself is inherently neutral) is also likely to be, at least initially, positive.  As we know, "it is done to us as we believe", therefore we perceive, create and interpret the present experience in light of what we believe about and selectively remember or reconstruct from our past experiences.

This morning I'm at the car dealership getting my car serviced.  For two years after I moved to Arizona, I got my car serviced under warranty, at the dealership in Phoenix and they took exquisitely good care of my car, and by extension, me, and were attentive to my curious questions and peculiar concerns.  I felt valued by them.  When I moved to Tucson, I chose to shift my car servicing to the local dealership and really did expect to receive the same level of care.  I was shocked to discover that they didn't have the same level of customer care, nor did they really seem to care that much.  Finally, I pressed the point hard and received virtually the same service for the same monetary exchange, but I could tell that it was offered under duress.  When we completed the agreed number of services for the agreed number of dollars, they were clear that the offer would not be extended.  So today, I'm back at the dealership because I initially purchased extended warranty coverage for 100,000 miles.  When that coverage ends in 15,000 miles, I'll see what happens.

So what's underneath that?   What's the old belief about myself that I am reliving, again and again and again, until I get a new perspective on it?  On some level, do I feel like I need to work or "fight" for how I want to be treated?  Sometimes.  In my much younger days, I would seldom stand up for myself, and I would say 'please and thank you' for whatever came my way.  And I allowed some exquisite unkindnesses to just steamroll through my life, claiming all the while that these nasty things had to be for my highest good.  At the same time, I also repeatedly experienced massive and extraordinary kindnesses.  So, what's the basic recurring, repeating, reinforcing storyline in my head?  Is the universe a predominantly safe and friendly place, or do I need to fight for what I feel is mine?  Do I automatically assume those I come into contact with are against me, or that we are working on the same quality of life?  I choose to think of my universe as friendly.

I just love manifestation in real time.  The new young service rep just told me that they would take care of 'the thing' that had been niggling the back of my mind for about 10,000 miles.  Cause and effect.  Perhaps this reframe is about speaking up for myself without feeling like I need to fight for it, and allowing the universe to give me what I claim, which then frees me up to stop living the past, pulling more of my energy into present time, and live more fully in the Now.

Sunday, 3:11am - Shut up and Drive

In the wee hours this morning I was reflecting on a conversation with a friend when I blurted out "Shut up and Drive".  It wasn't intended to be offensive.  I wasn't even intending to say it.  I thought the quote "Shut up and Drive" was from the movie 'Thelma and Louise'.  It isn't.  It's the title of two very, very, very different songs, neither of which I ever remember hearing.  I feel like somehow we are each being sandpapered and polished to do *great works* that only we can do.  And only we can each do them.  I don't like that thought and yet, at the same time on some level, I feel like its time.  And it's right.

It sounds incredibly big-headed, too big for my britches and some part of me just wants to shrink over to the corner and vanish into the wallboard instead of doing *this thing*, whatever it is.  There are times that I feel that Marianne Williamson quote (about being frightened of our own light, our own brilliance) taunting me, chasing me down the street, pointing and laughing.  I don't like it at all and I'd just as soon go iron a shirt, clean a toilet, or something incredibly, routinely and safely, mundane.

And yet...

One Sunday morning some years ago, I spoke at a Spiritualist Church in Houston.  A friend had asked me to speak on the Harmonic Concordance and I said, "Sure, why not?"  I didn't even know what it was, but I figured I could pull stuff together.  I had taught 7th grade earth science for two years, I could certainly do this.  So I started reading and studying and thinking and gathering information and nothing, absolutely nothing would come together.  There was no flow, no form, and no sense.  As the date got closer, I intensified my striving.  Finally the weekend of the talk rolled around and I still had nothing but jumbled words and I was beginning to really sweat over it.  The night before the Sunday morning talk, I had only the barest hint of anything and I felt like it was garbage.  The morning of the talk, I cobbled together some things, disjointed but adequate and I went and did the talk.  I was only relieved when it was over. 

And then, being a Spiritualist Church (a completely unknown commodity to me), the host, my friend, asked if anyone had received any messages for anyone else.  Several people stood and delivered messages.  I became fascinated, completely curious, about what I was observing.  Then this diminutive man in this three-piece brown polyester double-knit suit stood up with a message for me, the speaker.  So i stood up, as I had seen others do and he said something to the effect of, "You had three angels standing with you when you spoke; the biggest guardian angel I have ever seen, a scruffy drunk Irishman angel and a little blue haired fairy angel.  The Irishman angel was shaking his head sadly and said something like, 'she's never going to just trust and speak, that she will always have the words she needs.'"  I sat down dumbfounded and wrote his words down precisely.  I still have the feeling in my body.  Holy cow.  I heard that challenge, and responded.  Never again did I massively prepare a talk - even technical ones.  I'd do the charts and graphs and the ubiquitous Powerpoint slides, so I could show people what I had seen, but I never, ever wrote another talk.  And it has always worked.

Two owls are hooting outside with each other at this moment.  The cadence: one-and-two, three four ... who are you not to be?  As soon as I write these words, they stop talking to me.  This feels like a similar challenge and I don't know presently where it is headed.  With a knot in my stomach, I say 'yes'. 

You?

Because we can, 2Dec11

For some unknown reason, I was thinking tonight about a boss I had years and years and years ago.  He had just done something that affected our customers, and I didn't understand the reasoning behind what he was doing.  Being the bright young impetuous thing that I was back then, I asked him why.  He looked at me somewhat incredulously, shook his head sadly and said, "because we can."  I knew what he had set in motion wasn't illegal, immoral or 'wrong' (per se), but it just didn't sit very right with me.  And I clearly still didn't understand what was going on, and was also fairly certain I wasn't going to get a different reply even if I asked again.  So I let it drop.  Or at least I thought I had.

What I've come to realize is that I've taken his dismissive "because we can" and I've turned it around many, many times over the years since that day.  Most of the time, I remember that I have a choice how I handle any given situation or circumstance.  I always have a choice.  Even if I don't remember that I do, I still have a choice.  I have a choice whether to react to an incident in haste, or step back a minute and respond instead.  The tai chi practitioner in me knows that if I react thoughtlessly, they just 'got me'.  I have a choice whether to instantaneously feel disrespected or devalued, or try to see what's really going on from a larger viewpoint, a higher perspective.  

This doesn't mean I let people use me as a doormat, or that I go along with everything presented to me, because that would be silly, could be dangerous, and is often counterproductive.  It means, to the best of my ability, I pay attention and know what I am choosing and that I am choosing. 

And more often than not, I choose to respond kindly, or thoughtfully.... "because i can."  And I like that.  A lot.   

What if it's just feedback? 10Oct11

At a seminar I attended on Saturday, there was this one exercise that purportedly was about figuring something out, but in fact it was about how receptive we each were to receiving personal feedback from others to achieve a particular goal when we ourselves were stuck.  Most of the time I think I'm reasonably good with receiving feedback, heaven knows there have been plenty of opportunities.  This one particular activity though caught me by surprise.   When everybody else was getting help solving the puzzle, and lots of people were cheering and clapping as different people figured it out (always with help), I was trying not to notice that I wasn't in the circle, I wasn't figuring it out, I wasn't getting help and I was the last to complete the puzzle.  I wasn't happy about any of this.  When the seminar leader came over to where I was sitting and working alone and offered help, then within seconds of focusing on the guidance, the solution showed itself clearly.   The intended impact, though, had already landed because of my internal tension around this 'exercise' was massive.  And it got me thinking about my (sometimes) response to life in general.

What if it's all just feedback, information, or innocuous data?  It doesn't automatically imply anything about ability or competence or worthiness.  Shifting the perspective to neutral, rather than some historically-based judgment, it is just data.  Or as Johnny-5 (E.T.) would have said 'hmmm, input'.  Without any hooks, shame or blame, it becomes just information, just feedback for my expansion, awareness and growth.   That's a whole different take on the subject.

Hmmm.  Input!