What if it's just feedback? 10Oct11

At a seminar I attended on Saturday, there was this one exercise that purportedly was about figuring something out, but in fact it was about how receptive we each were to receiving personal feedback from others to achieve a particular goal when we ourselves were stuck.  Most of the time I think I'm reasonably good with receiving feedback, heaven knows there have been plenty of opportunities.  This one particular activity though caught me by surprise.   When everybody else was getting help solving the puzzle, and lots of people were cheering and clapping as different people figured it out (always with help), I was trying not to notice that I wasn't in the circle, I wasn't figuring it out, I wasn't getting help and I was the last to complete the puzzle.  I wasn't happy about any of this.  When the seminar leader came over to where I was sitting and working alone and offered help, then within seconds of focusing on the guidance, the solution showed itself clearly.   The intended impact, though, had already landed because of my internal tension around this 'exercise' was massive.  And it got me thinking about my (sometimes) response to life in general.

What if it's all just feedback, information, or innocuous data?  It doesn't automatically imply anything about ability or competence or worthiness.  Shifting the perspective to neutral, rather than some historically-based judgment, it is just data.  Or as Johnny-5 (E.T.) would have said 'hmmm, input'.  Without any hooks, shame or blame, it becomes just information, just feedback for my expansion, awareness and growth.   That's a whole different take on the subject.

Hmmm.  Input!

Gadara, Noble Friend 31Aug11

From Captain's Fury by Jim Butcher, p. 372

Tavi nodded slowly.  "Can you tell me what gadara means? Describe it."

Varg gave Tavi a very Aleran-looking shrug. "It means that you are a foe that is equal.  Honorable. Trusted."

"A trusted enemy?" Tavi asked.  "And you name your son as such?"

 "Enemies are far more faithful than friends, Aleran, and more dependable than allies.  One can respect an enemy far more easily than a friend.  It is considered a mark of respect," Varg said.  

This brief passage from the six-volume series which begins with The Furies of Calderon (that I am enjoying greatly during my summer off from studying more substantial material) brought to mind the many noble friends who have graced my life.  These are people with whom, or on whom, I have sharpened some aspect of myself, my awareness, or my skill set in dealing with 'challenging' people.  I remember the first time I heard the term 'noble friend', I thought the speaker was crazed.  Why would I even think about calling these people who were so intent on making my life difficult 'friends'?  It wasn't until I looked back with the perfection of 20:20 hindsight that I could see the gifts that these noble friends had given me. 

Predominantly the gifts I received from noble friends included clarity and boundaries.  Any time I didn't know my edges, I dreamed up someone who was more than happy to show me where I was porous or overly fluid in my boundaries.  I've also received help with being clear what I expected out of relationships and with situations in my life.  There's a quote "keep your friends close and your enemies closer."  I used to think that was simply so that I could see what my frienemies were doing and to increase the ease with which I could take appropriate action, but I am coming to see it has more to do with being more present to receiving the gifts they give me.  

What fun!

Perspective: Labyrinth or Maze? 25Aug11

I thank my friend Barbara McG for reminding me about it being our choice to see the various aspects of our lives as a maze or as a labyrinth.  Mazes, as you may recall, have dead ends, wrong turns and sometimes contain deadly monsters (vis a vis Theseus and the Minotaur from Greek mythology, or PacMan for those of a slightly more electronic age).   Labyrinths, on the other hand, are all twisty and contorted, doubling back and seemingly going 'round and round', but you cannot actually get lost in them.  You do ultimately reach your goal in a labyrinth.

The trick is in perspective and how we each see our paths.  If we see the apparently unfortunate or difficult events of our lives as dead ends and roadblocks, then that's how we experience what happens.  If we see the same events as true opportunities for learning and growth, that's what we get.  There are some days when the labyrinth is pretty darn twisted up, but to the greatest extent possible, I choose to see the events as workable issues rather than something that stops me flatfooted.

There's a story of a couple young boys who were faced with cleaning out a stable.  One grumbled about the work, how nasty and generally unpleasant it was.  The other, facing that much horse excrement, started digging excitedly.  When queried, he said "There's gotta be a pony in here somewhere." 

Irene barreling through the eastern Caribbean reminds me of the big hurricane that battered Houston a couple years ago and took out a lot of property on Galveston Island.  I lived in Katy at the time, roughly 100 miles inland from the coast.  The coastal areas had been appropriately evacuated because of concern about storm surge and a great deal of damage was actually sustained.  For one memorable night in my quiet little world, the storm rolled through, the rains pounded, and the trees touched their toes over and over and over again, lashing vigorously from side to side.  Power went out early that evening and we all waited by lantern and candlelight.  Once daylight came again, the neighbors all checked on each other.  Lots of minor damage in our world, but nothing earth shattering.  One neighbor had a generator and offered me one of his outlets to run my refrigerator (if I had a long grounded extension cord), which I accepted.  Another was in need of refrigeration for some medication, so they stored it in my fridge.  When the power came back on after four days, it felt somewhat miraculous to have air conditioning again, ceiling fans and electric lights.  Most of us were off work for four or five days, and spent the time cleaning up the debris in our yards, and visiting.  We got to know our neighbors a little better that week, which was a lovely plus.

Best blessings, safety and peace for all those in the path of Irene.  And look for the ponies!